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Twilight! Part 2.

Some time later (again, we can't be too sure of the timeline), we are in Biology, where we're introduced to my second favorite character, Golden Onion!

Golden Onion is loved by Bio Teacher.

This day in class, Edward and Bella speak for the first time. While this conversation happens, Edward again uses his knuckles to shuffle things around the table

and Bella gets really emotional.

Bella then decides it would be a good idea to tell Edward about her aversion to


but really it makes him very insecure. It's because of this off hand comment that he refrains from sticking his cold, wet peen in her until book 4.

She decides the best reaction to this is

and then

After class, Bella decided that Goldon Onion must be clutched just as Cactus was

and she decides to bite her lip again.

School ends, and we find ourselves playing a game of "Find Golden Onion" (because this is his last scene).

Suddenly, Edward realizes that he has finally found the perfect shade of nail polish to match his coat

and Bella shows a lot of emotion

(her breath does some fun things every time she's around Edward).

The Cullens are upset about it taking the last 15 years just for Edward to find the "right" nail polish. And Jasper contemplates his constant constipation.

Charlie gets pissed at Tyler for being a damn hippie.

Just then, Dr. Carlisle Cullen walks in and I suddenly have an urge to wear a hospital gown and be examined.

After being examined, Edward mocks Bella for being such a mindless idiot.

That night, Edward gets ~romantic.

Continuing the romantic streak, Edward tells Bella what's good for her.

Then he imitates her second facial expression just show prove that he's right.

And Eric decides to show Bella his worm.

Then, Charlie drinks some beer

Jacob describes "The Treaty" to Bella (and we find out that the Cullens look awesome in period clothing)

James shows up (and is super hawt)

and Jess wonders which dress to buy for prom.

After wandering around a strange city by herself at night, Bella realizes she is about to be gang raped by 5 strange men, so she gets really emotional.

Edward then shows up to save her and does some fancy driving

while looking like this.

Bella wonders what just happened

while Edward again weeps just thinking about the fangirls.

Edward and Bella go to a restaurant and Edward tells Bella what everyone in the restaurant is thinking.

Bella is completely shocked by this revelation. So shocked, she busts out BOTH of her facial expressions

and RPattz wonders what EXACTLY he's doing in this movie.

On the drive home, it finally sinks in that screaming girls will surround him for years

and he weeps

while he continues to contemplate what he's doing here.

At the police station, Carlisle tells Edward and Bella that there has been another viscious attack and one of Charlie's friends has been murdered. Bella, of course, gets very emotional.

and RPattz gets really upset that his costar is nothing but a crutch.

Inside, another one of my favorite characters shows up; Pepper Spray! (He's greeted by facial expression number 2)

That night, Bella dreams that Edward is a vampire sucking her blood (and while he's doing so, she gets pretty emotional)

and he looks kind of like he wants to join a cheesy dance pop band.

This terrifies Bella (a fact made obvious by her facial expression after waking from the dream).

The next day (possibly...I really just can't keep track of this timeline), Bella decides to lead the guy she definitely knows is a vampire into the woods.

Bella's breath does weird things and she gets very nervous.

Edward then says something like "SAY MY NAME, BITCH!" (but in a nicer way)

and Bella gets nervous.

Edward then decides to be ~romantic again

and Bella is REALLY into it.

Edward then steps into the sunlight and RPattz immediately regrets the past year or so of his life.

And Bella reacts accordingly

Then Edward gets very upset.

He starts hopping around the trees and rocks

showing off his amazing power and superb tree-climing skills.

Bella is VERY impressed.

Edward stops all of this madness with some more ~romance

and Bella likes it.

Then there are a bunch of scenes that are supposed to lead to hot, sweaty sex (or at least some heavy petting...or a kiss or two)

but they instead lead to a two-inch distance between them and longing looks.

Part 1: Click here
Part 3: Click here
Part 4: Click here


as of November 7, 2009
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( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
They're a must for this movie. Otherwise you miss out on a lot of stuff. Like "Zombie worms" for example.

AND in pictures like THIS, it's like the DVD people pre-made all the macros for us!
Mar. 24th, 2009 06:24 am (UTC)
Makes you wanna get examined? If I got examined by him, I'd think "Wow, that thin gay nazi sure does have cold hands." That makes me think, Dr. C must be the shittiest doc ever! His hands are always cold, who the hell wants that?
Mar. 24th, 2009 06:29 am (UTC)
True. I'd be willing to look past it for a while, though. Hawt. It'd be like taking ice cubes into the bedroom that never melt. ;)
May. 24th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
OMG, that tree jumping and meadow scene...my friends and I got some serious lulz from that in the theater. I need to show them these entries ASAP!
Dec. 3rd, 2009 10:25 am (UTC)


Golden Onion!! Pepper Spray! RPattz crying and wondering WTF he's going in that evil lameass movie!

Edited at 2009-12-03 10:25 am (UTC)
Jul. 16th, 2010 12:10 pm (UTC)
ahhhhaaa, this is great!
you should sooo make one about new moon.
Dec. 10th, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
Oh my GOD this is the best thing EVER!!!! HAHAHAHAA. Love it! Can I post a link to this on my blog? www.borderlinephenomenal.blogspot.com? Also are you on twitter? Thank you for making my work day so much better. :)
Dec. 10th, 2010 08:38 pm (UTC)
Link away! But it's probably best to link to part 1 so anyone that clicks it will get the whole story instead of starting part way in.

Also, I am on Twitter but I haven't been posting much there lately. Feel free to follow me, though, as I'm hoping to get back into posting. I'm over here!

And you're welcome! The workday is always best experienced with a healthy dose of snark! :D
Dec. 10th, 2010 08:55 pm (UTC)
Haha I just followed you! I'll definitely post a link to part one tomorrow on my blog. I tweeted about how awesome it is earlier. I love bella's facial expressions... so emotional :)
Oct. 10th, 2011 03:11 am (UTC)
This was my first time seeing the ~sparkling~ scenes. I am disappoint. I thought it'd be more ~dramatic~. Maybe I just have to watch the movie to see it in action.
Oct. 10th, 2011 03:12 am (UTC)
No need. That's pretty much how they happen. See my icon if you want to see the sparkles in motion. That's about the extent of the ~action. I was disappoint.
Oct. 10th, 2011 03:20 am (UTC)
Ok that's just creepy. I think I'd watch this movie only if it's avail on Netflix streaming and if I'm really really bored. And need a good laugh. I can see how some young girls might like this, but adult women? I can't even... :/
Oct. 10th, 2011 03:25 am (UTC)
I know. It makes me cringe every time I hear any of them say they want a "man like Edward." Please re-evaluate your relationships, please, because this is not a healthy standard!

Not to mention to COMPLETE LACK OF PLOT. Did you ever read the other books? Each one is hundreds of pages of trying to scare the reader and making them fear all the vampires, but then the "bad" vampires show up and are like "Oh, well since we took this time to discuss our feelings, everything's cool here, I guess...we'll just leave now"

Oct. 10th, 2011 03:32 am (UTC)
It just makes me judge them in a negative way. Like, oh you're ~that~ kind of person and I have nothing in common with you.

After struggling through that first book, I don't want to waste my time with the rest of the series. There are so many other books out there that deserve my attention more. I'm tempted to read it though. Kind of like not being able to look away from some horrific accident. Curiosity is a bitch. :P
Oct. 10th, 2011 03:37 am (UTC)
I agree on both points. The only reason I read all 4 is because SMeyer is from my town, so she did stuff around here from the very beginning. A friend of my mom's wandered across an early book signing of hers and thought "Oh, so-and-so's daughter is a young adult, I'll just get this signed since I'm here!" and then gave it to me as a gift. Then I laughed my way through it and my mom told her that I loved it, so then I ended up getting three more signed books as gifts haha. After that it was like "well, they're HERE ALREADY....and I bet they're really funny...."

The only sucky part is that she signed them "To Elizabeth" so it's hard to sell them. Otherwise I've got 4 signed first editions. :/
Oct. 10th, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
Hey at least they were gifts. I think that I would read them if someone was "kind" enough to get them for me, out of some kind of appreciation but really mostly for shiggles, haha.

I BOUGHT the first book since it was said to be the next Harry Potter. I wish I remembered who wrote that and what magazine or website it was from because I'd belittle the person and bitch them out for making me waste $10 on such crap.

That's too bad about you not being able to resell the books. I'm sure some Twilight maniac would love to get their hands on first editions. :(
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )