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Twilight! Part 1.

So, I pretty much love the Twilight movie (how can you NOT? It's so awful). And I decided to tell/show you why using PICTURES

Please note, most of the caps include the subtitles, because, well they pretty much speak for themselves. I've also split this up into a few different entries because I don't want to bog down your computer with a billion pictures all on one page. There'll be links at the end of the entry.

So the movie opens on Bella clutching a cactus and a trowel.

I enjoy this because Cactus is one of my favorite characters (we'll be introduced to my other favorite characters later). He's got personality. The trowel confuses me, because I somehow doubt that Bella dug cactus out of the ground all by herself. And also the cactus in the background looks stupid. Just saying.

Next, we're introduced to one of KStew's TWO facial expressions!

The bitten lip!

Bella arrives in Forks, WA and we're introduced to Bella's father, Charlie

who happens to think that his daughter is a moron (and he's got a rockin' porn 'stache!)

Charlie and Bella arrive at the house

where we again find Cactus! (and KStew facial expression 1.5)

Inside the house

another gratuitous Cactus shot and

KStew's facial expression number 2! YEAH! EMOTION!

Charlie helps Bella carry her luggage into her bedroom

where she clings to Cactus some more.

And here's one last shot of Cactus (can you find him?!)

because sadly, this is his last scene.

Later, Bella goes outside where she's greeted by her father beating a crippled Indian.

I'm too quick for you, Cripple!

Once the fighting is over, Bella decides to cripple the other Indian with the door of her homecoming present

and then the two fathers use hip lingo (which I think is kind of adorable)

while Jacob stares at Bella's tits.

The next day, Bella arrives at school and Girl in Blue laughs at her while Kid in Background checks her out.

Bella then meets Eric

and then goes to gym class, where she looks directly into the camera and says something along the lines of "why did I agree to do this?"

Lunchtime rolls around and Bella suggests the topic for an upcoming newspaper article

which is followed by a conversation about peen

And then the Cullens walk into the cafeteria.
There's Rosalie and Emmett

Jasper and Alice

(who have a really adorable entrance, which is for some reason partially obscured by Jess and Bella's fat heads)

and then there's Edward

(Edward doesn't like being a teen heartthrob).

Later, in Biology, we learn that Edward never uses his fingertips to move things. Just his knuckles.

and Zombie Worms.

RPattz looks into the camera and weeps just thinking about all the screaming fangirls watching this movie

(He does this a lot...so just get used to it).

In the administrative office, Bella gets emotional.

When she has dinner with her father after school, she forgets entirely how to use a squeeze bottle.

The next day at school, Tyler, deciding that they are in elementary school, throws some licorice at Bella's head to show that he likes her and wants her to join the hanging out in front of his van (which is pretty psychedelic on the inside).

The secondary characters all turn towards the camera and smile. For fun, I guess.

At lunch, Bella gets emotional

when the Cullens look at her.

A few hours/days/weeks/some amount of time passes (we'll never know exactly how much has passed) and Bella slips and falls on a patch of ice. While on the ground, she shows a lot of emotion.

She also decides to be an emotional wreck when learning about animal attacks.

I resent this line by Charlie. We have coyotes, you know. They eat housecats. This is almost the same as sparkly vampires eating security guards. Obviously.

DON'T WORRY. It gets BETTER! Muahahaha!!!

Part 2: Click here
Part 3: Click here
Part 4: Click here


Disclaimer: Feel free to leave whatever hateful (or loving!) comment you want to leave, but just know that I DO NOT love Twilight. I also DO NOT hate Twilight. I see the series for exactly what it is; fluff reading. I made these entries to poke some playful fun at the movie, that's all. My only intention here was to make some people giggle.

as of November 7, 2009
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( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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Mar. 24th, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
Mar. 24th, 2009 02:48 am (UTC)
Mar. 24th, 2009 02:48 am (UTC)
I absolutely love it. XD
Mar. 24th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC)
Re: Edward's knuckles screenshot-- IS THAT A LEATHERBOUND MOLESKINE NOTEBOOK WHERE HE WRITES ABOUT HIS ~FEELINGS~? It so is. It *has* to be.

Sorry, I got linked here via an anti-Twatlight community and I had to comment! xD I love these. <3
Mar. 24th, 2009 03:59 am (UTC)
Yep! It sure is! And you can see in the "Zombie worms" pic that he clutches it. CLUTCH THE NOTEBOOK!
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:10 am (UTC)

It was licorice, btw, not a red pen. I'm sure you care super much.

There's a deleted scene where Bella talks to Cactus. It's lack of inclusion on the DVD caused me epic chagrin.
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
Oh.. It is licorice. My bad! Either way he throws it at her head for no good reason...

(no subject) - shlupquack - Mar. 24th, 2009 04:33 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bpddjeoomon - Mar. 24th, 2009 04:48 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bpddjeoomon - Mar. 24th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:31 am (UTC)
i've decided that the licorice is supossed to be weed, to go along with the psychadelic van...
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:50 am (UTC)
That would have set this movie over so many edges. And one of them would be the "awesome" one. Just saying.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:52 am (UTC)
I love that Cactus.
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:48 pm (UTC)
This almost makes me want to see the movie. Almost.
Mar. 25th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
I'm in love with you!

*hands you over 9000 internets*
Mar. 25th, 2009 03:39 am (UTC)
Aww, what an adorable cactus :V

*searches for something nice to say about the movie* Well, the...the blue filters look good...
May. 24th, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
Haha, I get the Team Tyler's Van thing now...I completely forgot about that part in the movie. This is freaking wonderful! Moving on to part 2. :D :D

Kstew has the weirdest facial expressions. It's like "look at me I'm awkward, it's supposed to be cute"

...Yeah, I just woke up a little bit ago so I'm not exactly doing a great job with funny comments at the moment, haha. XP
Nov. 2nd, 2009 12:15 am (UTC)
this is awesome. the cactus is awesome too.
Nov. 3rd, 2009 08:48 am (UTC)
I reckon, your a full on diehard twilight fan if u have had the time and effort to do this,

not a twi hater

a twi LOVER!
Nov. 5th, 2009 07:14 am (UTC)
Aww i love cactus
Nov. 8th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
I love it, really I do. You made me laugh a lot and I showed all my friends. Did you know that your websitte was mentioned in the 'Girlfriend' magazine?
They said it was funny and gave the web address. Good work son!
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