Some time later (again, we can't be too sure of the timeline), we are in Biology, where we're introduced to my second favorite character, Golden Onion!


Golden Onion is loved by Bio Teacher.


This day in class, Edward and Bella speak for the first time. While this conversation happens, Edward again uses his knuckles to shuffle things around the table

and Bella gets really emotional.



Bella then decides it would be a good idea to tell Edward about her aversion to


He

but really it makes him very insecure. It's because of this off hand comment that he refrains from sticking his cold, wet peen in her until book 4.

She decides the best reaction to this is

and then


After class, Bella decided that Goldon Onion must be clutched just as Cactus was

and she decides to bite her lip again.


School ends, and we find ourselves playing a game of "Find Golden Onion" (because this is his last scene).


Suddenly, Edward realizes that he has finally found the perfect shade of nail polish to match his coat

and Bella shows a lot of emotion

(her breath does some fun things every time she's around Edward).

The Cullens are upset about it taking the last 15 years just for Edward to find the "right" nail polish. And Jasper contemplates his constant constipation.


Charlie gets pissed at Tyler for being a damn hippie.



Just then, Dr. Carlisle Cullen walks in and I suddenly have an urge to wear a hospital gown and be examined.


After being examined, Edward mocks Bella for being such a mindless idiot.


That night, Edward gets ~romantic.


Continuing the romantic streak, Edward tells Bella what's good for her.


Then he imitates her second facial expression just show prove that he's right.


And Eric decides to show Bella his worm.


Then, Charlie drinks some beer

Jacob describes "The Treaty" to Bella (and we find out that the Cullens look awesome in period clothing)

James shows up (and is super hawt)

and Jess wonders which dress to buy for prom.


After wandering around a strange city by herself at night, Bella realizes she is about to be gang raped by 5 strange men, so she gets really emotional.


Edward then shows up to save her and does some fancy driving

while looking like this.


Bella wonders what just happened

while Edward again weeps just thinking about the fangirls.


Edward and Bella go to a restaurant and Edward tells Bella what everyone in the restaurant is thinking.





Bella is completely shocked by this revelation. So shocked, she busts out BOTH of her facial expressions


and RPattz wonders what EXACTLY he's doing in this movie.


On the drive home, it finally sinks in that screaming girls will surround him for years

and he weeps

while he continues to contemplate what he's doing here.


At the police station, Carlisle tells Edward and Bella that there has been another viscious attack and one of Charlie's friends has been murdered. Bella, of course, gets very emotional.

and RPattz gets really upset that his costar is nothing but a crutch.


Inside, another one of my favorite characters shows up; Pepper Spray! (He's greeted by facial expression number 2)


That night, Bella dreams that Edward is a vampire sucking her blood (and while he's doing so, she gets pretty emotional)

and he looks kind of like he wants to join a cheesy dance pop band.

This terrifies Bella (a fact made obvious by her facial expression after waking from the dream).


The next day (possibly...I really just can't keep track of this timeline), Bella decides to lead the guy she definitely knows is a vampire into the woods.

Bella's breath does weird things and she gets very nervous.




Edward then says something like "SAY MY NAME, BITCH!" (but in a nicer way)

and Bella gets nervous.


Edward then decides to be ~romantic again


and Bella is REALLY into it.


Edward then steps into the sunlight and RPattz immediately regrets the past year or so of his life.

And Bella reacts accordingly

Then Edward gets very upset.

He starts hopping around the trees and rocks

showing off his amazing power and superb tree-climing skills.


Bella is VERY impressed.


Edward stops all of this madness with some more ~romance


and Bella likes it.



Then there are a bunch of scenes that are supposed to lead to hot, sweaty sex (or at least some heavy petting...or a kiss or two)

but they instead lead to a two-inch distance between them and longing looks.




Part 1: Click here
Part 3: Click here
Part 4: Click here

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as of November 7, 2009

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